[ to be fair urashima i never understood that part either but > pandora hearts ]
[ Break nods, since that's about as simplistic of an explanation as he'd expect from that cat. Granted, the Abyss is a complicated thing to understand, and most of what he's learned about it has still only been recently... But still. He explains it smoothly, but seriously. Based on the fact that none of that usual light-hearted, singsong tone is in his voice for this explanation, it's reasonable to assume that this is something that Break takes seriously. ]
She is the Abyss, in a manner of speaking. It's... very complicated.
[ Like, I'm not explaining the wiki page on the Abyss-complicated ]
The Abyss is where creatures called Chains exist, and that's what the cat is. Chains are dangerous to any living thing, whether they intend to be or not. They're things that have absorbed part of the Abyss's power, and it makes them incredibly strong. However, they're bloodthirsty if they're not controlled properly. They want to leave the Abyss, so they form contracts with humans so that they can leave it for a time. The Contractor and the Chain will kill people, since this is what the Chain feeds off of, but there's a time limit on it. When the time is up, then the Contractor is dragged into the Abyss not just to be killed, but to become a Chain themselves.
[ He reaches up to his chest, and though the gesture wouldn't mean anything to Urashima, his hand comes to rest over the full Incuse there. ]
That's what should have happened to me.
[ Break pauses, then sits back more comfortably, though he reaches up to rub at his temple. He's had to explain this story a lot recently, but he doesn't like it any more. It's painful for him, and it shows clearly in his expression, if not his words. ]
I was once a knight, actually. I served a noble household very proudly, and I protected their youngest daughter especially with all my heart. By now— By now, I realize that this wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do, but when I was away from the household, my master and several others were assassinated. As the knight of the family, it was my duty to protect them, so I took the burden upon my shoulders. Because of my grief and my own foolishness... I suppose a Chain took notice of that. The devil whispered into my ear, and I listened. I formed a Contract with a Chain only because it told me that I could erase my regrets if I worked hard to make it to the Abyss.
So I did. [ He'll pointedly not mention how many people he killed to do that, though. ] I was dragged into the Abyss, which is supposed to be a place that no living thing can return from. I met that cat there, as well as the Will of the Abyss, but she introduced herself to me as Alice. She's... It's more than just white hair. She's pure white. Everything about her is a white that's so pure that it's blinding, honestly. But she's dangerous. That whole place is dangerous, and nothing but madness. I watched her dance in a rain of blood with that cat as if she were a child enjoying the spring and throw a tea party after licking the blood off my eye. It was a nightmare- Nothing short of that.
[ It's hard for him to describe this, because his voice had gotten less controlled by the end, but he closes his eye and shakes his head as if that would help him regain some sense over the conversation. ]
She ripped out my eye so that she could give it to the cat, and she would have taken the other one too. But I'm designated pride for a reason, I suppose. I couldn't accept it, even then. So I offered to grant her wish, whatever it was. It didn't matter to me then. Just so long as she could change the past, I was willing to do anything. I should have learned from being dragged into the Abyss in the first place, but I hadn't. She accepted my plea, and the Abyss spat me out. It was thirty years later, even though I'd only been in there perhaps an hour, but I found out that she had granted my wish after all. The past had changed. My master was able to live, as I had hoped.
[ He sighs, and opens his eye again. ]
But only for four more years. Apparently the political situation worsened, however, and another member of the household was assassinated. Not my master, but the eldest daughter. The two sisters were very close, and so... It drove the youngest daughter to the same thing I had done. She became an Illegal Contractor, but she sacrificed the entire family to the Chain before she was dragged into the Abyss. Not even a single person remains today. They were completely wiped out. And it was my fault. Because of my own arrogance and pride, every single person I cared about was slaughtered. That's why I would never change the past. I know the damage it does. The blood of the damage is on my hands alone.
[ god and yet he's still not done with this damn story WHY IS THIS CANON SO COMPLICATED ]
That cat thinks that I betrayed the Will of the Abyss because I took back her memories. But the cat never heard what her wish to me was in the first place. She doesn't want to be the Will of the Abyss anymore. And that cat is a creature that's supposed to protect her and ensure her safety. Of course he can't accept that even if he knew it. I've betrayed no one... But that simple thing can't understand what I'm doing, either.
every time i explain ph it's like [1000 word essay]
[ Break nods, since that's about as simplistic of an explanation as he'd expect from that cat. Granted, the Abyss is a complicated thing to understand, and most of what he's learned about it has still only been recently... But still. He explains it smoothly, but seriously. Based on the fact that none of that usual light-hearted, singsong tone is in his voice for this explanation, it's reasonable to assume that this is something that Break takes seriously. ]
She is the Abyss, in a manner of speaking. It's... very complicated.
[ Like, I'm not explaining the wiki page on the Abyss-complicated ]
The Abyss is where creatures called Chains exist, and that's what the cat is. Chains are dangerous to any living thing, whether they intend to be or not. They're things that have absorbed part of the Abyss's power, and it makes them incredibly strong. However, they're bloodthirsty if they're not controlled properly. They want to leave the Abyss, so they form contracts with humans so that they can leave it for a time. The Contractor and the Chain will kill people, since this is what the Chain feeds off of, but there's a time limit on it. When the time is up, then the Contractor is dragged into the Abyss not just to be killed, but to become a Chain themselves.
[ He reaches up to his chest, and though the gesture wouldn't mean anything to Urashima, his hand comes to rest over the full Incuse there. ]
That's what should have happened to me.
[ Break pauses, then sits back more comfortably, though he reaches up to rub at his temple. He's had to explain this story a lot recently, but he doesn't like it any more. It's painful for him, and it shows clearly in his expression, if not his words. ]
I was once a knight, actually. I served a noble household very proudly, and I protected their youngest daughter especially with all my heart. By now— By now, I realize that this wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do, but when I was away from the household, my master and several others were assassinated. As the knight of the family, it was my duty to protect them, so I took the burden upon my shoulders. Because of my grief and my own foolishness... I suppose a Chain took notice of that. The devil whispered into my ear, and I listened. I formed a Contract with a Chain only because it told me that I could erase my regrets if I worked hard to make it to the Abyss.
So I did. [ He'll pointedly not mention how many people he killed to do that, though. ] I was dragged into the Abyss, which is supposed to be a place that no living thing can return from. I met that cat there, as well as the Will of the Abyss, but she introduced herself to me as Alice. She's... It's more than just white hair. She's pure white. Everything about her is a white that's so pure that it's blinding, honestly. But she's dangerous. That whole place is dangerous, and nothing but madness. I watched her dance in a rain of blood with that cat as if she were a child enjoying the spring and throw a tea party after licking the blood off my eye. It was a nightmare- Nothing short of that.
[ It's hard for him to describe this, because his voice had gotten less controlled by the end, but he closes his eye and shakes his head as if that would help him regain some sense over the conversation. ]
She ripped out my eye so that she could give it to the cat, and she would have taken the other one too. But I'm designated pride for a reason, I suppose. I couldn't accept it, even then. So I offered to grant her wish, whatever it was. It didn't matter to me then. Just so long as she could change the past, I was willing to do anything. I should have learned from being dragged into the Abyss in the first place, but I hadn't. She accepted my plea, and the Abyss spat me out. It was thirty years later, even though I'd only been in there perhaps an hour, but I found out that she had granted my wish after all. The past had changed. My master was able to live, as I had hoped.
[ He sighs, and opens his eye again. ]
But only for four more years. Apparently the political situation worsened, however, and another member of the household was assassinated. Not my master, but the eldest daughter. The two sisters were very close, and so... It drove the youngest daughter to the same thing I had done. She became an Illegal Contractor, but she sacrificed the entire family to the Chain before she was dragged into the Abyss. Not even a single person remains today. They were completely wiped out. And it was my fault. Because of my own arrogance and pride, every single person I cared about was slaughtered. That's why I would never change the past. I know the damage it does. The blood of the damage is on my hands alone.
[ god and yet he's still not done with this damn story WHY IS THIS CANON SO COMPLICATED ]
That cat thinks that I betrayed the Will of the Abyss because I took back her memories. But the cat never heard what her wish to me was in the first place. She doesn't want to be the Will of the Abyss anymore. And that cat is a creature that's supposed to protect her and ensure her safety. Of course he can't accept that even if he knew it. I've betrayed no one... But that simple thing can't understand what I'm doing, either.